get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
