Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
