Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
