We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
