what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
