she's into porn, im staying here tonight
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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