I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
