Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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