If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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