I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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