At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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