yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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