the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
