I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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