just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
