Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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