do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
