All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
