She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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