Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You are a genius and a whore.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
