And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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