I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
