It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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