If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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