I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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