I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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