I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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