Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love you. Go after that dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
