the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Holy sore nipples Batman
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
