Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
