Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
