I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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