And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
