is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize