yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
