thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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