Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
