What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
