dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
