I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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