2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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