hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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