He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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