the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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