are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
