woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had sex on a roof
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
