Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
