Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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