Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
