To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
