She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
