Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
