so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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