no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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