Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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