Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we're making bets on your personal life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
