She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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