you would pick up someone in the library
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
