when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
