Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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