why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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