Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you never un-have a 4some
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
