Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
