I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
