I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
