I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
