dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
