We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
