Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
