How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
