did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
