I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
