I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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