Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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