I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
