There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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