Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
