I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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