I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he thought i was a dude.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
