I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
